“I Thought I Was Losing My Mind”

Emma Lady’s Perimenopause Journey and Why We Must Talk About It

When it comes to menopause, society has historically left women to navigate it in silence, confused, unsupported and often dismissed. But women like Emma Lady are breaking that silence.

In a deeply personal and moving conversation, Emma, a British-Ghanaian Menopause Wellness advocate for black women,certified fitness and nutrition coach, author, and founder of the Relentless Boss Wellness Programme,shared her powerful story. It’s a journey marked by confusion, misdiagnosis, mental health struggles, cultural stigma, and ultimately, advocacy and empowerment.

Her experience is not only her own. It reflects what many women endure during perimenopause, often without guidance or compassion. And it’s a call to action for all of us, individuals, communities and medical professionals, to do better.

The Shocking Onset of Perimenopause at 38

Emma never imagined her mental health would be the first sign that something was wrong. At just 38, she began experiencing overwhelming symptoms: panic attacks, brain fog, memory lapses, depression, and anxiety that turned even the smallest tasks into overwhelming challenges. At her lowest, she experienced suicidal thoughts and described feeling like she was no longer a woman, or even human.

Nothing in her life explained the sudden shift. There was no trauma, no clear external trigger. Just a creeping sense of despair.

What made it more isolating was that menopause had never been on her radar. Like many women, Emma hadn’t been educated on what to expect, especially not in her thirties. So she kept quiet. Even close friends and family weren’t told what she was going through. She didn’t want to burden anyone.

Learning to Speak the Unspeakable

Eventually, Emma confided in her mentor. That small act of honesty brought temporary relief. But the symptoms didn’t disappear. Without medical recognition or understanding, she relied on what she knew best: walking, eating well, and staying physically active. These lifestyle tools helped, but didn’t address the root cause.

It wasn’t until several years later, when she was in her early forties, that she finally visited a GP.

She came prepared, with a list of over 30 symptoms. She hoped for clarity. What she got instead was dismissal.

Misdiagnosed and Dismissed

Her first GP, a white male doctor, told her she was simply depressed. He suggested antidepressants but didn’t investigate further. No prescription, no follow-up. When she mentioned the possibility of hormonal changes, she was told she was talking nonsense.

Her second GP, a woman, listened more attentively. She ordered blood tests, which indicated that Emma might be in full menopause. Despite this, she wasn’t confident prescribing HRT and advised Emma to consider it while expressing her own reservations about it.

Before Emma could return, that doctor went on extended leave. A third GP took over. Again, Emma’s symptoms were brushed aside. She was given vitamin D tablets and told she was too young to be menopausal.

Eventually, the second doctor returned. This time, Emma had done her research. She was ready to try HRT. With the knowledge she had gained and the evidence of her own suffering, she began a new phase of her journey.

Why Doesn’t Anyone Talk About the Brain?

One of the most frustrating parts of Emma’s experience was discovering how significantly oestrogen affects the brain, and how little that is discussed in public or even within medical circles. The panic attacks, the depression, the forgetfulness and even the rage were all tied to hormone fluctuations that impact brain function.

Emma found that most GPs receive minimal, if any, training on menopause. They are not taught about the psychological and cognitive effects of falling oestrogen. This lack of knowledge leads to misdiagnosis, frustration and ultimately, women being sent away with inappropriate treatment.

She believes it’s essential that both women and medical professionals learn more about the neurological impact of menopause. Understanding how oestrogen loss changes brain chemistry is fundamental to giving women the support they deserve.

Culture and Silence

Emma’s experience has been shaped not only by gender bias in medicine but also by cultural taboos. In many African and Caribbean communities, menopause is rarely discussed. Among some of her own relatives, even saying the word “menopause” was enough to cause discomfort or outright rejection of the topic.

Within these communities, menopause is often associated with ageing and shame. It is treated as something to hide or dismiss. But Emma is working to change that, starting with the next generation. She speaks openly to her nieces and young women in her family, determined that they will not face midlife with the same confusion and silence.

The Disparity Black Women Face

Emma’s independent research led her to the SWAN Study (Study of Women’s Health Across the Nation) and recent work from Cambridge University, which revealed something she already suspected, that Black women are more likely to experience perimenopause earlier, more severely and for longer periods than their white peers.

Yet there is very little research into why. Emma notes that black and brown women are often excluded from menopause conversations, both socially and scientifically. Worse still, they are less likely to seek medical help, having learned from experience that they may be dismissed or ignored.

This disparity must be addressed, not only through education and conversation, but also through inclusive, robust research.

Finding Relief in HRT

When Emma finally began HRT, she did so with caution but also a sense of hope. She started using estradiol patches alongside oral progesterone.

It’s early days, but she already feels more grounded knowing that she’s finally being supported medically. The experience also inspired her to create a wellness blueprint that she now shares through her coaching programme. By combining holistic approaches with the right medical treatment, she’s helping other women find relief and validation.

What Needs to Happen Next

Emma believes that proper menopause training should be compulsory for all GPs. At present, the level of education medical professionals receive is inadequate, leaving women to fall through the cracks.

She also supports the idea of a menopause symptom scale, similar to the Edinburgh Scale used for postnatal depression –  to help identify and track mental health symptoms during perimenopause.

And education shouldn’t stop at the surgery door. Schools should be talking about menopause. If we teach young people about puberty, why don’t we teach them about the life changes that come decades later?

Lastly, Emma urges women to speak up. Talk to friends. Share experiences. Learn from each other. If the medical system won’t always listen, then at the very least, we can ensure that we are heard by each other.

Hope for the Future

Emma’s story is one of courage, education and transformation. She is living proof that women can reclaim their health, their identity and their power, but only if we start having honest conversations about what they’re going through.

Her message is simple. You are not alone. You are not broken. You are not imagining it. Perimenopause is real, and it’s time we stop whispering about it.

Emma continues to support other women through her wellness coaching and online platforms, offering practical help, emotional guidance and, most importantly, reassurance that things can get better.

Connect with Emma Lady

If you’d like to learn more about Emma’s work or reach out for support:

• Instagram: @emmaladyinspires
  
• Website: therelentlessboss.com
  
• LinkedIn: Emma Lady

Or see the whole chat https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJon9GAoCkc/

Through her own journey, Emma is changing the narrative around menopause — one conversation at a time.